Welcome to the ClichCorp website. Here you will find information about ClichCorp.

We at ClichCorp are leading experts in the field of solutions. We help businesses solve the logistical challenges of today’s fast-paced business environment. Our dynamic approach to solving gives our clients a competitive advantage over their competing competitors. Our bespoke business-critical solutions are tailored totally to your requirements – always exceeding your expectations. We deliver to keep you one-step-ahead of the game.

No, we don’t understand what we’re talking about. But nobody reads this stuff anyway, right? Aren’t copywriters just meant to protect our intellectual property? How do you spell Lorum ipsum? What the hell is that anyway – Spanish?

Injecting your tank

With a strong track record in performance, we’re dedicated to giving you the maximum possible return on investment. Our bespoke solutions create key metrics for your success.

Ah, there you are. Where were we? Yeah, at one stage all cliches were fresh. So we’re coining a new one: Injecting the tank. No, we don’t think it sounds vaguely filthy. Hang on, I have to make more abstract references to what we actually do….

Through our integrated approach to business we will improve your strategy and push you to new success paradigms. We take a hands-on approach to consultancy.

“Hands-on?” We’re not gonna get sued for that, are we? How “on” are these hands? Hey, Barry – where did you put those stock icons? I need to liven this design up and promote our ClichServices™.

Here to help you, help you.

We, as ClichCorp, care about you, as our customer. Our caring makes us care about your success. And because we care about your success, we care about you a little more. Laptop. Laptop. Laptop. Laptop. Cheap laptops. Bargain laptop covers. Care about you.

Have we hit 250 words yet? Because that’s what the weird geeky SEO guy told us to do to come top for the word “laptop”. You know we just sell laptop covers, right? Wait, have we even said “synergy” yet? Why the hell not? I think we need a chummy, matey call to action at the end – really get people feeling us. How about:

ClichCorp. Solving the World’s problems one solution at a time.

Let’s Talk!




(I know, I know. It’s an easy target. And I can be as guilty of some of these cliches as anyone. But sometimes you just have to vent!)

If you’re floating in the ocean of copywriters out there, you’ll have heard of Copyblogger.

Well, in a frenzy of copy+paste action, I collated every headline in their archive – 1117 of them (as of late August 2010) – on the hunt for stats. But why should you care?

Copyblogger is the go-to place for the art and science of copywriting. The founder, Brian Clark, hit upon the smart idea that you can apply copywriting techniques to blogging. And if you can’t learn something from Copyblogger’s headlines, then you’re already rich. And if you’re already rich, why are you here and not jet-skiing across a champagne lake? (That is how being rich works, right?)

Here’s a handy infographic with the main findings:

A few extra points:

• Please forgive my soul-crushingly amateur design skills.
• From around 2008, the Copyblogger average headline length got longer. (Plus, the average length of the 30 current most popular post headlines is almost 9 words.)
• The first ever Copyblogger headline in 2006 was the rather inauspicious “Sell!”.
• How can you not love a site with a headline like “What Owen Wilson’s Pursed Lips Mean to Your Blog”?
• Feel free to use this image in your blog or site, but please link back to this post or the homepage.

Anything else?

Before you go, spend a second looking at these word clouds. I love me some Wordle.

Here’s a word cloud of all 1117 headlines, with all common English words removed:

Note the focus on marketing, content, writing, copywriting, blogs and blogging. This is a website that knows its target audience intimately, and targets it ruthlessly.

Now all headlines with ‘the’, ‘it’, ‘and’…etc removed:

You and your. Where would a self-respecting copywriter be without them?

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. Notice any other obvious headline trends?

Many thanks to Copyblogger. You’ve given me some good reads over the years.

Best man tip: keep 'em sweet.

Thanks, guys. Thanks for the added pressure.

Against the odds, I emerged from my ordeal as a best man mostly unscathed (unless dagger-stares from elderly relatives leave permanent scars). I’ve now had time to reflect on what worked and what didn’t.

And, wouldn’t you know, some of the tips apply rather snugly to copywriting…

Vary the pacing

Short one-liners, extended stories, questions to the audience, crowd participation – varying your pacing keeps people on their toes. Take them on a journey. But think epic adventure, not long family car trip to Torquay.

As for your copy? Mix up it there too. Bullet points, short sentences, longer sentences, questions, tales – use what you need to keep it interesting. Heck, throw in a badger, if it fits.

Tell a story. Make it personal.

People love stories. Yet, some of the so called “hilarious” speeches on YouTube are no more than nervous BMs reading stolen one-liners from a sweaty sheet of paper.

Instead of rehashing tired old lines, get personal and tell a story. Who doesn’t perk up in interest when they hear the words “Let me tell you a story about the time…”

Unearth the unusual.

This is an old journalism saying.

Everyone has a tale about the groom drinking too much. But not everyone can tell a story about the time he woke up in the penguin enclosure with a mouth full of raw sea bass.

Unearth the unusual. Surprise an audience. And of course, apply the same logic to your copy. (Example: are you a web development company, or the only web development company that works from a disused nuclear bunker?)

Be clear.

If you can’t be creative, be clear.

Ditch the pretentious language. In its place use short, punchy wording. And try and keep the matey jargon to a minimum (not everyone in the room knows what your internal slang means). And that applies to you too, Mr. Technology Company Website.

Of course, if you can be clear and creative, you’re onto a winner.

Keep it short (enough).

I once sat through a 45-minute best man speech. And this was no Bill Hicks.

Keep your speech long enough for the juice and jokes. Keep it short enough that the guests aren’t passing out with Pimms withdrawal symptoms. If you’ve got twenty pages of notes to get through – be ruthless and kill your darlings. Not every line needs to stay.

Need I draw the obvious parallel with copywriting? Just long enough, please. And no more.

Judge your audience. Carefully.

No matter how hilarious you think you are, not everyone will appreciate your sense of humour.

And, in business terms, no matter how much you think your market is “everyone”, it isn’t.

Here’s where copywriting and best man speeches part company briefly.

In copywriting terms, you have two options: speak to the people that care, or smear a diluted message across the uninterested faces of a wider demographic. I know which I’d choose.

But, as a best man, you need to cater for a wide audience. Because they’ve got no choice but to listen. We can’t have the bride’s granny choking on her Prosecco because you’ve decided to tell the one about the Amsterdam brothel.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t get creative, cheeky and, hopefully, hilarious. And, whether you’re entertaining drunken guests or penning copy, remember one basic rule: don’t be boring.

Keep that in mind, and you’ll be fine.

(photo credit: madamn flick)

Question: What type of fool helps the competition with free advice and backlinks?

Answer: This type of fool.

Reading material for the 28% of UK copywriters that don't have the word "copywriter" in their title?
(Image courtesy of marciookabe)

This is the follow-up to the UK freelance copywriter homepages post. This time round, we’re dabbling in SEO in an effort to see:

• The words copywriters use in their page titles
• The words copywriters use in their descriptions
• Any correlation between rankings and page titles

We’re not talking links and social media presence. We’re looking at the basics.

(Note: I’m aware that to some copywriters the term SEO means Silly Effing Ollocks, or suchlike. However, for the purposes of this study, just think of it as search-friendliness. Or, if you prefer, search-cuddliness.)

So, why focus on page titles?

Page titles are the words that appear at the very top of your browser screen. Titles are also used as the main link text in search engine results pages.

Your title tells the search engines (and the user) what your page is about – much like a chapter heading. Or, in the case of your homepage, the whole book title.

As far as search engine optimisation goes, titles are still one of the most powerful on-page factors that you can control. In short, page titles matter.

Once again, the study looks at 258 copywriter sites.

Words in titles: the stats…

Length of titles

You can ramble on forever in your page title if you wish. However, Google and chums will cut you off at a certain point. Beyond that point, people won’t see it. And, in an effort to avoid copious page title spam, Google puts more weight on the earliest words in the title.

Yet, many copywriters have titles far longer than that – the longest being a whopping 442 characters. Happily, the average was 58 characters. But remember:

Length of descriptions

First off: keywords in descriptions won’t get you higher in the search rankings.

But, you’re writers, so you’ll understand this: The right words will encourage people to click on your listing in the search results. After all, it’s like a short ad for your services.

Again, you only have so much space to demonstrate your linguistic brilliance.

Many copywriters had significantly more than 160 characters. The longest was 1529 characters (phew). The average was a very sensible 167.

Let’s play with Wordle…

Here are the words copywriters use in their page titles – with all common English words removed. This is much as expected, with the emphasis on copy:

Now with all copy-related words + common words removed:

The locations used in titles:

Location-based SEO is a very useful thing. For starters, you’re covering more keywords and may attract more relevant searches. Predictably, UK was the most popular location reference, followed by London and Brighton (which backs up my previous post featuring copywriter locations).

Other services (related to copywriting):

Here’s what else I take away from this:

Copywriters who offer “SEO” or “web” writing services are more likely to be familiar with basic SEO techniques. Therefore the terms “SEO” and “Web” may be disproportionate to the amount of copywriter sites included. SEO samurai know how to give their title words the most prominence, after all. (Of course, SEO is also a very common copywriter secondary service.)

Now let’s talk about rankings…

Search ranking is not the One Ring to Rule Them All. It may not even be the Shirt of Elvish Mithril. However, ranking can make that tricky trip to Mordor just a tad easier. Make sense?

Lots of different factors influence search rankings – in particular the amount and quality of external links you have directed at your site. However, basic SEO starts with on-page factors including page titles. With this in mind, let’s look at rankings.

How were results calculated?

I searched the terms copywriter, copywriter uk and freelance copywriter in Google.co.uk
All were searched without quotation marks. In the case of the two-word phrases, the term had to be present in the title or description either broken or unbroken.

Note: Rankings correct @ 5th April 2010

The SEO people will tell you that keywords in descriptions don’t affect rankings. However, there’s a clear correlation between good descriptions and high rankings. Again, I think this is more likely because high-ranking sites usually have a bit of SEO savvy behind them (so the site owners are more likely to complete the meta description tag).

My personal opinion on the title and high ranking correlation is that it’s still hard to rank for a relatively competitive term without including that term in your page title.

Some easy SEO advice to take away from all this? Sort your titles out first. Think services, location and how likely someone is to search for a particular word. As for the rest of the results of this analysis…if you have any thoughts, please share them below.

(As an aside, Nick appears to be the most prominent copywriter name. Any Nicks care to comment?)

Phew. Curiosity has led to exhaustion.

I’ve been through 258 UK copywriter website homepages. Some fantastic sites out there. If you’re a UK freelance copywriter, then chances are you’re on this list.

Only 11% of Copywriters had a picture of themselves on the homepage (pic courtesy of cadfael1979)

But, my aim with this post isn’t to cast judgement on fellow copywriters – merely to offer an insight into:

• The words copywriters use to sell themselves on their homepages
• Where UK freelance copywriters are based
• What info they choose to share on the homepage (e.g. Twitter links, testimonials etc.)
• The gender split of UK copywriters

And a few other interesting stats.

How was the data gathered?

Copywriter sites were collated from Google, Freeindex, Dmoz and Twitter. Agencies (of more than a few people) were generally omitted.

The word “copywriter” was the defining search term. Results are a mix of advertising, direct marketing and general copywriters. Apologies if your site isn’t included – it may have slipped through the net! (N.B. Blogs with no static homepage were also left off the list.)

Let’s look at the total word counts…

Word counts ranged from the “fits on the back of a matchbox” to “barely fits on the side of a house”. (Navigation, copyright and T&C words weren’t included.) Here’s how it breaks down:

Seems like a fair average. Around 300 words should be enough for most copywriters to sell themselves. Some sites included a huge range of services. Many direct marketers opted for the classic long sales letter style (hence the highest count of over 4K words).

What information was shared on the homepage?

Predictably, blogs, client names and testimonials were a popular option. In fact, many of the sites I found easily via Google had blogs – backing up the accepted wisdom that blogging = good SEO.

Obviously, testimonial quotes and client names help establish credibility straight away (with a dash of social proof). Many of those sites that didn’t have quotes/clients on the homepage provided easy links to that info.

SEO copywriting was one of the most referenced secondary services/benefits (and sometimes the main focus of the site). Most DM and advertising copywriters didn’t mention it (what with the connotation of keyword-stilted language and all!)

Where do freelance copywriters live?

So, London’s drowning in the buggers. But note the concentration of copywriters in and around creative cities like Brighton, Bristol, Edinburgh, Leeds and Manchester. Looks to me like there are a few places severely under-represented by word pedlars. (Where are all the Northern Ireland freelance copywriters?)

(16 sites had indeterminate gender/location.)

The most popular words on a copywriter’s homepage

(All common English words removed.)

Copywriter, copywriting and copy were the most-used words (closely followed by business and marketing). No surprises there.

Common words removed except personal pronouns (I, you, we etc.):

As all good copywriters know, business communications should be about the reader, not about the writer. Hence the prevalence of “you”.

That’s not to say that We and I didn’t make rather prominent appearances. As a side point, a lot of freelancers (including myself) struggle with the question of me or us – am I an I or am I a we?

Note:

How about with copywriting, copy and copywriter removed?

Lots of practical copywriting words here:

• Sales
• Marketing
• Business
• Customers
• Clients
• Content

And finally…the most common descriptive words copywriters use for themselves

So there we go. A glimpse into the world of the copywriter homepage. What do you make of these stats? If people are interested, I might look more in detail at popular calls to action, and perhaps even page title tags in a future post.

As you can probably gather, this post took hours and hours to put together! Please retweet, share or link (particularly if you’re one of the sites listed) and add a comment below. Thanks!

“So I hired this brilliant homepage the other day…”

What is it that encourages buyers to pick a freelancer based on their website? Well, there’s the obvious triple whammy of clients, experience and findability.

But what about the humble About page?

Surely one of the most consistently neglected pages on the web.

For example, here at Scribblemill, the second most-viewed static page is About, beaten only by Home.

So my hunch is that nearly every serious buyer eventually clicks on About.

(On a side note: If you watch a film, do you often check IMDB to see the director’s previous work? Or go straight to the author bio before reading a book?)

I don’t mind telling you – all this attention on About makes me a tad nervous. After all, like most people, I hate writing about myself. I’d rather clean drains with my bare hands than write a CV. So I frequently wonder if I’m saying the right thing.

And, thinking of my clients, the About page is often far down their list of priorities. In some cases, that’s fair enough. (Who clicks on the About page for Tesco, for example?)

Yet for small businesses, personality and credibility is important. This goes double for freelancers. About is a chance to show your credentials and add some colour to the picture. A few things to remember:

People do business with people – not monitors.

The internet is still largely a faceless medium. The first chance a prospective client may have to get to know you (as an individual) is through the About page.

The homepage tells people what you do. About tells them who you are.

People aren’t looking to be ‘sold’.

Of all static pages on your site, the About page should be least full of sales talk. (In fact no page should, but that’s another story.)

By all means point out your qualities. But do it simply, honestly, and without hype.

People don’t need to know the name of your cat.

How much information is too much? Really that’s a judgement call based on your site and your target clients. But I’d say it’s safer to focus on relevant info. A few mentions of your hobbies might be fine, but your favourite pizza topping probably isn’t.

(I happen to know a high-end development firm that refuses to have anything on their About page – other than a photo of their cuddly toy office mascot. I still question what they hope to achieve with that.)

Honestly, I recently chose to remove a few details that I felt were doing nothing but bogging down my about page. And it’s still a little me-centric, something that’s hard to avoid in this case. Let me know what you think (I can take it!)

Have a look at your About page. What does it say about you?

This man has read too many tech websites. (Image courtesy of Shreyans Bhansali.)

Then you arrive and you’re stuck next to Brian, a management consultant and golf aficionado with a penchant for long, self-important stories. Nearly every sentence he utters starts with “I…”

Does it feel like Brian gives a fig about what you’re up to? Does he bore you to the point of drowning yourself in the soup?

What if he’d started by asking about you instead?

What if he’d simply used the word “you” more often and dropped the I-centricity?

The writer Chuck Palahniuk (author of Fight Club and Choke, among others) has a term for this. He calls it “Submerging the I”.

Even when he’s telling a story in the first person, he uses “I” as little as possible. Palahniuk knows that self-absorbed people are only interesting to themselves.

Because what’s the subliminal message if you constantly use the word “I”?

You’re saying: “I’m not interested in you, I want to tell my story.”

Round here, they call it “The Big I Am.”

Extrapolate that to a business and website copy environment and what message have you got?

“We don’t care about helping you, we’re only interested in ourselves.”

A dangerous message to put out, wouldn’t you say?

So, try not to let your website sound like Boring Brian. Focus on the you, and submerge the I and We as much as possible.

(P.S. You can check how me-centric you are using Futurenow’s customer focus calculator.)

So, I was training a group of web copywriters the other day, and casually mentioned features versus benefits. Nothing earth-shattering there.

But, just as I was about to click to the next slide, I noticed that the expected nods and hums of recognition didn’t arrive. So I asked, “you do know the difference between features and benefits, right?”

Blank stares.

I realised that I often take it for granted that website writers know and understand what a benefit is. So here we go, features and benefits in a nutshell:

A feature is something the product does.
A benefit is how a feature improves the life of the customer.

So how about an example of features vs benefits?

Okay. I went to buy a saw at the weekend. Being something of a DIY illiterate, I was surprised to see a choice of about two-dozen saws.

I asked the bloke at the till what was my best option. His advice: “this one has tungsten tips, this one has a gel-embossed handle. This one here, the Sawmeister 3000, has a reinforced body.”

He may as well have been speaking in Esperanto.

What he could have said is:

• This one cuts fastest, because of its tungsten tips – so you’ll spend less time sawing.
• This one is the most comfortable to hold – so you won’t get blisters.
• This one won’t break, no matter how much you use it, so it’ll last longer and save you money.

After all, I wasn’t really buying a saw – I was buying quick, neat, cut wood. Just like people who buy 37Signals software are really buying an easier working life, people who buy a hedge-trimmer are really buying tidier hedges, or people who buy a Rolex are really purchasing perceived status.

The key, of course, is accurately pinpointing the true benefit to the customer. Even if this might not be clear at first, drill down until you find it. You can apply this to nearly anything (including aspects of your own life). For example:

Your social Life:

Feature: There’s a party this weekend
Benefit: You might meet that elusive dream girl who puts up with your accordion playing (not a true story)

Your education:

Feature: You get a load of letters to put on your CV
Benefit: You won’t have to work in the Burger King at Victoria Railway Station

Your web design business:

Feature: You design and build accessible websites
Benefit for clients: More customers will be able to use your site = more sales for you

Sometimes people mistakenly think that bringing out benefits means treating people like idiots. I disagree. It’s simply a way to spark in the customer’s mind how using a product/service will help them out.

Now, get sparking…

Image courtesy of Olivander

How on earth do you do it?

It’s impressive – I have to hand it to you.

To have a head so crammed with knowledge that you need never spend time doing research. To have such a disciplined writing mind that you can structure and write an article, on any subject, in minutes.

And, those fingers.

Are the bones strengthened with metal, like the X-Man, Wolverine? How else could you type at such a rapid pace without injuring yourself?

That you must have a specially reinforced keyboard goes without saying.

Don’t listen to those fools who say it surely takes at least an hour or two to write anything even halfway decent.

Pah! If that was the case you’d be earning a mere pittance. Of course you’re writing ten, twenty – maybe even thirty of these pieces every hour. An article every two minutes – wow!

I’d murder grammar to be that fast.

And to the sensible folk who hire these $1.50 Article Writing Miracle Workers: It makes perfect business sense. Because surely if someone can write this fast, they must be good. Even if they’re not – it’s probably better to have 1000 sloppy articles on your site than five evergreen pieces that attract links and make you look smarter. Speed and quantity, every time.

Yes, Mr. $1.50 Article Writer – I salute your stamina.

Yours in envy,

A Quality SEO Article Writer

(Cufflink image courtesy of Oberazzi)

“You don’t ask, you don’t get,” said Mahatma Gandhi. I’m no historian, but I’m pretty sure he wasn’t referring to cufflinks. Or, for that matter, copywriting.

Still, the bloke was on to something.

Yeah, yeah – the whole non-violence thing. Of course. But also the idea that asking the right questions is the only way to achieve your desired result. And, as one of the skills of the copywriter is contorting your brain into different mindsets, being relentlessly inquisitive is must.

So, where do you begin when quizzing a new client? You can start with obvious (what do you sell, what’s the price, when will I get paid…and so on).

But then it’s essential to burrow into the marrow of the matter. Here are some questions that you might find useful as a web copywriter:

(Heck, even if you’re not a web copywriter, just ask yourself these questions to improve your own website copy.)

• Can you explain your product/service in a sentence?




• Could you describe your business using any five words?




• What’s the most significant problem your product/service is designed to solve?




• What kind of person usually faces this problem? Do they face it in their daily life?




• How will your customer’s life be different after buying your product/service?




• When you’re describing what you do/sell to friends, what do you tell them? What do they ask you in return?




• Could you ask your sales team which questions they get asked most often? If they speak to customers face-to-face, what’s a common objection and what do they say to counter it?




• Could you ask your customer service team what your most common complaints/queries are?




• Can you tell me the story of how your business began? What did you want to change?




• If you could change one thing about your product/service, what would it be?




• If you could pick only one stand-out feature of your product, what would it be?




• Do you have any special offers/deals/discounts – or anything else that I should know about? Do you offer anything for free (support, shipping etc.)?




• Which website (in any market) do you most admire, and why?




• Who are your biggest competitors? What do you offer that they don’t? What do they offer that you don’t?




• What company’s language style and tone do you most admire and why?




• What do you want your language and tone to say about you?

You can use some of those as a starting point to understanding your client’s business and what they want to achieve. (Really, you should try to keep firing the questions until you’re politely asked to stop, or until just before security are called.)

What about you fellow writers (or clients)? Asked or received any unexpectedly revealing questions?